Changed Forever

I had been sleeping in a chair for a month. From the chair I went to the bed sleeping beside her; I needed to hear every breath. After a one-month evacuation due to hurricane Ida, and a few unexpected turns mom became bedridden in literally two days. After weeks by her side at 4:19 am October 8th, 2021, I held my momma close and watched as she breathed her last breaths in this life and transitioned to the next. The journey with her through cognitive decline, to Alzheimer’s to lung cancer has changed me forever. There are some experiences in life that are meant to change you. Each of us will travel to death one day – it is hard, sobering and brings us into proximity of our own mortality. Perhaps therefore as a country we handle it so inadequately – especially in the Christian faith. The residue of losing someone we care deeply for is intended to transform us. Transformation is to bring us into closer alignment with the character of Christ and His perfect will for our lives. Are we paying close attention to our souls or are we returning to routines we may be called to break?

What is God saying to us in these intersections that break our hearts? I’ve seen God move through bad news and broken plans just as much as good news and fulfilled promises. It’s one reason I’m so passionate about all thing’s soul and emotional health in Christ. It all starts with the heart and ends with the grand finale of Christs’ character. I realized this week when my cousin-brother took a picture of me today that for 9 months I have not smiled - really smiled. And that’s ok - mourning is a season I don’t think we give its proper due. The thing I’ve wanted to do and continue to do is normalize grief especially for Christian faith culture. Today I smiled and laughed with my cousin-brother but still I’m doing grief. That could be you too and know it’s normal and ok. I miss my mom. Losing her makes fresh the loss of my dad, the loss of her companionship and the beauty for ashes God promises too. Grief is not something to cure; it’s a process to move through. I’ve learned how our ability to stand with others in long-suffering becomes a mirror into our own fears, regrets, preoccupations, and discomforts about grief too. This is also ok.

I’m invested in reframing healing and restoration through the ministries God has birthed through my own life and journey with Him. Grief is a journey of adjusting to new realities about life and the future. We don’t have to pretend with God. His promises don’t fail - to be with us when our foundation is shaken and to be with us as He leads us in establishing a new one.